Saturday, April 7, 2007

Romantics need not apply: The Citizens Association to blow up the moon

"We are a group of citizens from all walks of life who share a common realization and thus a common goal: the Moon is our enemy and must be destroyed. We are dedicated to the pursuit of this goal via lobbying efforts, education of the public, and independent scientific endeavors.

We were founded in 1839 by an unemployed Rumanian werewolf hunter; today we have over two dozen members in five continents. Our numbers are growing yearly as people hear our message and understand the pressing need to destroy the moon."

The Moon is a harsh mistress, but even harsher a master. Too long has the human race lived in thrall to its cruel tyranny. The threat posed to humanity by the Moon is greater now than at any other time in our history. The last time the Moon so threatened life on Earth was 65 million years ago, at the end of the Age of Dinosaurs. Unless we act soon, experts believe the next Great Extinction is inevitable.

There are three main reasons why the Moon is so dangerous. The Moon is responsible for madness, lycanthropy, and the destructive and unexpected tidal forces that play havoc with our coastlines on a daily basis.

At the Citizens' Association to Blow Up the Moon, we do our best to alert the leaders of all the world's nations to the danger of the Moon. It is an uphill struggle. We also get the word out via education, seminars, and 30-minute infomercials.

Our most recent project involves the construction of a huge Earth-to-Moon thermonuclear missile. The project is well underway, with the blueprints carefully laminated and the stabilizer fins of the rocket halfway constructed. We hope some warheads will be forthcoming in the very near future."
Fine lads, just stay away from Ceres, because that bitch is mine.

1 comment:

poophead45 said...

Hey guys. I just used your site to win a debate round. A class full of teenagers agrees that we should blow up the moon. Thanks for your help. I'll edit a 30-minute infomercial now.